http://eldercareabcblog.com/right-to-the-point-%e2%80%93-part-viii/ Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:17:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://eldercareabcblog.com/right-to-the-point-%e2%80%93-part-viii/comment-page-1/#comment-4576 Joan T Mon, 12 Jul 2010 17:02:59 +0000 http://eldercareabcblog.com/?p=5117#comment-4576 Regarding the 83-year-old mom, I had a similar situation with my father a few years ago. I ended up talking very plainly to my dad's doctor (with Dad in the next room so he couldn't hear me, and I could speak freely) and let the doc know a good deal of what was going on. I initiated the conversation with the doctor, and the doc took it from there. My father was admitted to the hospital for tests and finally was diagnosed with vascular dementia. He also had Parkinson's. He was 85 at the time, and screamed and yelled about anything that set him off. Money was a huge issue in his mind. It was very, very hard to do this, but it was safest for my dad and mom. On his worst days, Dad would try to harm Mom, and I had to step in. It was very stressful for a long time, but Dad got the help he needed, albeit against his will the entire time. If you can step in and get a doctor to hear your situation, they may be able to start the ball rolling and have your mom diagnosed as incompetent. If I had allowed Dad to do what he wanted, he would have gone home and lived however he chose, but he would have either hurt my mom physically (literally) or he would have hurt himself by his lack of ability to take care of himself by that point. That was my springboard for action. I was trying to protect him from himself, though he did not want that at all and fought me tooth and nail. My heart goes out to the person in this situation, but getting help is wise for everyone involved. Perhaps it's easier to sit back and let the loved one go home and do whatever they want, but if they're not taking proper care of themselves with food/finances/lying to the doctors, etc., then intervention may be required. You may not be popular with the other family members, but talk to the doctor and get as much help as you can. I found our doctor very open and willing to listen, and very proactive. I was protecting my dad. He was fine in his own mind, and I find that to be a common denominator with dementia patients (my mom now has progressive dementia). There was no way Dad could have lived with us, however. After months of dealing with this, I finally realized that nothing I was able to do could moderate his behavior at all. It took professional intervention. Regarding the 83-year-old mom, I had a similar situation with my father a few years ago. I ended up talking very plainly to my dad’s doctor (with Dad in the next room so he couldn’t hear me, and I could speak freely) and let the doc know a good deal of what was going on. I initiated the conversation with the doctor, and the doc took it from there. My father was admitted to the hospital for tests and finally was diagnosed with vascular dementia. He also had Parkinson’s. He was 85 at the time, and screamed and yelled about anything that set him off. Money was a huge issue in his mind. It was very, very hard to do this, but it was safest for my dad and mom. On his worst days, Dad would try to harm Mom, and I had to step in. It was very stressful for a long time, but Dad got the help he needed, albeit against his will the entire time. If you can step in and get a doctor to hear your situation, they may be able to start the ball rolling and have your mom diagnosed as incompetent. If I had allowed Dad to do what he wanted, he would have gone home and lived however he chose, but he would have either hurt my mom physically (literally) or he would have hurt himself by his lack of ability to take care of himself by that point. That was my springboard for action. I was trying to protect him from himself, though he did not want that at all and fought me tooth and nail. My heart goes out to the person in this situation, but getting help is wise for everyone involved. Perhaps it’s easier to sit back and let the loved one go home and do whatever they want, but if they’re not taking proper care of themselves with food/finances/lying to the doctors, etc., then intervention may be required. You may not be popular with the other family members, but talk to the doctor and get as much help as you can. I found our doctor very open and willing to listen, and very proactive. I was protecting my dad. He was fine in his own mind, and I find that to be a common denominator with dementia patients (my mom now has progressive dementia). There was no way Dad could have lived with us, however. After months of dealing with this, I finally realized that nothing I was able to do could moderate his behavior at all. It took professional intervention.

]]> http://eldercareabcblog.com/right-to-the-point-%e2%80%93-part-viii/comment-page-1/#comment-4563 In Home Care Portland Thu, 08 Jul 2010 16:55:19 +0000 http://eldercareabcblog.com/?p=5117#comment-4563 Good call on the first question, Joy. What a tough situation to be in. Bringing the courts in is a difficult decision but sometimes necessary one when your mom or dad is making decision that are clearly detrimental to his or her situtation. Good call on the first question, Joy. What a tough situation to be in. Bringing the courts in is a difficult decision but sometimes necessary one when your mom or dad is making decision that are clearly detrimental to his or her situtation.

]]> http://eldercareabcblog.com/right-to-the-point-%e2%80%93-part-viii/comment-page-1/#comment-4562 Tweets that mention Right to the Point – Part VIII | Elder Care ABC -- Topsy.com Thu, 08 Jul 2010 16:00:01 +0000 http://eldercareabcblog.com/?p=5117#comment-4562 [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by steve Joyce. steve Joyce said: From EldercareABC-- Right to the Point – Part VIII: Blog by Joy Loverde Question: My Mom is 83 and has had “ment... http://bit.ly/bVS5XD [...] [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by steve Joyce. steve Joyce said: From EldercareABC– Right to the Point – Part VIII: Blog by Joy Loverde Question: My Mom is 83 and has had “ment… http://bit.ly/bVS5XD [...]

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