Moving an Aging Parent from Long-Distance – Part XXI


By Joy Loverde

If you’ve been following the saga of this long-distance move, you heard me say early on that I wouldn’t put it past my mother’s husband, Bill to sabotage the move. He has never been in favor of the move idea - in spite of Mom telling Bill over and over again for the past five years how important it is for her to be near her children in their advanced years.

When Bill finally agreed to put the house up for sale, I personally witnessed his resistance to the relocation idea. Every time I visited them, Bill was saying nasty things to my Mom – making his greatest attempt to stop the move from taking place. Bill never wanted to go back to Chicago and that’s that, and he was shocked to say the least at how quickly the house was under contract – both times.

Whether Bill purposefully did not eat or take his medications while Mom was in Chicago buying furniture and getting the apartment ready for move is not my main grievance here. The fact that he is now in a nursing home in Florida is the issue. Did Bill create his medical mishap to purposefully stall the move process? Perhaps he did. At the same time, my thinking process is clear. Nothing and I mean nothing is going to prevent this move from happening. I take one look at my Mom and know that I am fighting for her life. That’s all I need to keep on going.

A word to you, my dear blog readers... every eldercare situation comes with twists and turns. Illness, accidents, and backfired plans can and will happen right in the middle of a long-distance move. Do not let that stop you from staying on track. In fact, get used to the idea of change being around every corner, and you will not be so taken back when it happens.  Rely on your resilience and resourcefulness to figure out what comes next when unexpected things happen. There are plenty of options and courses of action for everything unexpected that comes your way.

If you look back on the past twenty blogs about this long-distance move with Mom and Bill you will notice that every posting includes my writing about an unexpected eldercare event. And every posting offers you guidance on how I was able to negotiate the issues head on and keep the moving the process going forward. Never forget – you are smart and you are resourceful. Keep moving toward the goal and you will succeed.

Bill being in the nursing home now in many ways is making it easier for me and Mom to continue the packing process. But one important issue lurks in the wings. How will I get Bill to Chicago?  Will he even agree to go? And even if he does agree, medically and emotionally he is not fit to fly or sit in a car for the long drive from Florida to Chicago.

First things first. It’s time to tell Bill he’s out of time and choices, and he’s heading to the Windy City whether he likes it or not. I have to come up with a plan on how to make this happen with the least resistance. I have never seen my mother so stressed and I continue to worry about her health.