Moving a Reluctant Parent – Part 4


by Joy Loverde

Much of my success as a family caregiver when it comes to aging parents and loved ones has to do with always being willing to address problems head on. In other words... be proactive. If you are the proactive type – good for you. And many people are just the opposite. In fact they tell me they rather wait until they have to deal with eldercare issues in the moment. I guess that’s a strategy but not one I would recommend.

I often wonder why family members think that waiting for an eldercare crisis is a smart thing to do. Is living in the moment and pretending that nothing will ever happen to the elders in our lives result in everybody living happily ever after? I’ve never known that to be the case. The process of being proactive offers you time. Time to talk, time to think, time to decide under much less stressful circumstances.

Moving reluctant elderly parents out of their house is just about as stressful as it gets and I’m encouraging you to be proactive – for your sake.  If you haven’t already done so, please review Part 3, “Moving a Reluctant Parent.”  In that particular blog I wrote about the reasons why a move for my Aunt is inevitable. Long before today, I saw the writing was on the wall.  The time is now for you to do the same.

Sit down with a paper and pen and write down all the reasons why a move for your elders may be their only option. How will they get around if and when they can no longer drive?  Is the house starting to fall apart?  Will they eventually not be able to afford to maintain the house? Is the house becoming unsafe in terms of climbing stairs and accessing certain rooms (like basement laundry rooms)? Will the value of the house keep on plummeting? Are they running out of money and need to sell the house to pay the bills?

As I said in the last blog, not everyone has to move out of their house. Bringing help in or living with family members under the same roof might be alternatives. My point is this... Take time now to think through this inevitable family living situation before a crisis sets in and everyone is under duress.

Another advantage of previewing your elders’ possible move right now is that you have the opportunity to start talking about this touchy subject today even though the move may be far in the distant future. Planting the seeds today builds trust. When it comes to being a successful family caregiver, it always comes down to our elders trusting us.


4 Responses

  1. A wonderful resource is hiring a Senior Move Manager. We are trained,certified,bonded and insured and can aleviate so many of the issues you address in your blog. Visit our organization website, to find one in your area. We are all over the counrty and Canada and can assist moving from one state to another or a home the folks have neen in for 40 years to assisted living nearby or aging in place. We can declutter to make it safe to stay in their home,(Aging in Place), do errands, appointment runs, and tailor a program to each individual situation.Our fees are reasonable and a flat rate as well as an hourly can usually be arranged. If anyone is involved in this "sandwich generation issue" I would highly recommend visiting the NASMM website and introducing yourself to this fabulous menu of services we offer.
  2. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Isabel Cares. Isabel Cares said: RT @ctffox: Moving a reluctant parent #elderly [...]
  3. My family just moved my grandmother into a retirement home. She has pretty bad macular degeneration, and is nearly blind, alone in her condo. We put her in a 2 week trial at the retirement home, and it made all the difference. We found it worked well. Robert Walker
  4. Fantastic Robert... - glad to hear about the success of grandma!
  5. I help my aging parents and we are thinking of moving them to a assisted living community. Their home is old and they are beginning to get stressed about the upkeep. Thank you for the good information and helping them figure out what is best. Another good article that I read recently on moving to an assisted living. I hope it helps others too. <a href="" 0="/" rel="nofollow">Best Time to Move to Assisted Living</a> Paul

Leave a comment