Aging Parents: Consider Senior Housing Options Before a Crisis


by: Leslee Jaquette

The old, two-story bungalow was perfect 30 years ago; but over the years it has become too quiet, too big and too dangerous for your favorite 80-year-old to navigate. In addition, mom's heart condition sometimes makes her dizzy, she doesn't cook anymore and she readily admits that driving the old Chrysler wears her out. But when one of the kids suggests it might be time to consider independent living or assisted living, the proud matriarch puts her foot down. No way is Mom moving, she's not ready for a "home." Situations like this are not uncommon for adult children to face at some point with their aging parents.

This family has actually wisely initiated the sometimes delicate and often difficult discussion with their beloved elder about its members' concerns for her health, safety and happiness. Even though it may feel pretty awkward, that's okay because the best time to evaluate mom's senior housing options is not after she falls and breaks a hip. The best time is right now before a crisis occurs, when she can participate in the evaluation and decision-making process in relation to the merits of independent or assisted living.

When and How to Broach the Conversation

Eldercare Specialist Stella Henry, R.N. and author of The Eldercare Handbook, observes that many seniors are unrealistic about their ability to maintain the old homestead and would prefer to avoid all discussion about the inevitabilities of aging. Still, Henry suggests family members need to start the "conversation" that lays the groundwork for choices about independent or assisted living.

"Ninety-five percent of my clients come to me in crisis situations," says Henry of the majority who avoid the independent or assisted living conversation. "The result is a confused elder, disorganized yet well-meaning children and a family in chaos."

To avoid the worst scenario, she advises that families talk to their aging parents or loved ones with care and sincerity. Gently suggest a visit to a friend who has already made the transition or to have lunch at any of several nearby independent living or assisted living facilities - her choice. If the parent shows total resistance, back off but don't give up. When they do show a little willingness or bring up the topic, take action and try a drive-by or pop-in visit. Stack the deck by calling ahead for an appointment with an administrator or social worker. Also, visit at mealtime or during a social activity so Mom can see that modern senior housing is the farthest thing from the "home" of her fears.

Form a Team

It is important for family members to form a team and present a united and loving front when it comes time to help Mom plan the next move, whether it be independent or assisted living. Many times it is also a good idea to enlist the help of respected physicians and counselors, when helping Mom understand the importance of avoiding crisis and trauma.

These professionals can often successfully underscore the family's concerns about independent or assisted living. They may also be able to help the senior and family envision different scenarios in terms of financing this transition or presenting the benefits of a multi-level facility. It's smart to consider the advantages of a facility that offers additional services such as skilled nursing and dementia care. Also, in this difficult economy many facilities offer a range of financial partners and solutions that range from renting while waiting to sell the family home to veterans' programs and suite sharing.

There is another key component of the conversation about independent living or assisted living options. It relates to what are the loved one's wishes and who would be best to serve as her durable power of attorney when it comes time to make critical health care decisions.

All's well that ends well

As much as most adult children and their aging parents dread the "conversation" about when is it time to transition to independent or assisted living, once the move is made the elder is often much safer, healthier, more active and socializing again. While it takes courage and determination to coax these big changes, children will often be rewarded when they see a parent flourishing in a new environment and enjoying activities they haven't participated in for years. is a free resource for people looking for senior housing or senior care for a loved one or themselves. With valuable articles and a comprehensive directory of care options for your aging parents, AllSeniorHomes is the best place to start your search for assisted living, independent living, Alzheimer's care, a retirement community or home care.


3 Responses

  1. [...] the original here: Aging Parents: Consider Senior Housing Options Before a Crisis This entry was posted in Elder Care and tagged a-united-and, aging parents, [...]
  2. While my husband and I are still pre-retirement, our whole family has seen how frail my father became before his death last summer. We have been alerted early to plan for ourselves, and our son is helping to keep the issue on the front burner. We also know a bit about living options from visiting Dad at his assisted living residence nearby. Because of our experience we are looking for other options for ourselves and we have actually found a few. My husband is eligible for VA medical care and they have a great geriatric program that helps vets age in place. Plus we have discovered a neighborhood Village which also is established to help elders stay at home as long as possible by providing many of the same social and transportation, etc. services that would be found in most independent living communities. We recently met with the co-founders of this group and I write about it at Carol Inside Aging Parent Care
  3. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Steve Joyce, Alzheimers Support. Alzheimers Support said: Aging Parents: Consider Senior Housing Options Before a Crisis ... [...]
  4. Certainly these family discussions and the planning are needed, but when the seniors who are the topic of the discussions want to continue living at home and are capable, options to make that possible should be considered as well. For example, can modifications be made to the home to make it safer and more comfortable? Are there technology solutions, such as monitoring and communications tools, that will add to safety and provide peace of mind? What services are available locally that will fill the gaps and let the seniors continue to live their lives as they want? The options today go beyond living in an unsafe home or moving to a senior living facility so families can consider the wants and needs of each individual in coming up with the right solution.
  5. You are certainly right that preventative measures are by far the best strategy, and when thinking about housing options for seniors it is no different. There is nothing worse for a senior to have to deal with than an emergency, followed immediately by a move. It should definitely be well researched and planned before it is necessary. Thanks for sharing another great post!

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