Whether you are in the process of transferring a loved one to a care home, or you currently discussing the possibility, you of course want to make sure that your loved one goes to the best home available. Whether you are looking at care homes in Southampton or anywhere else in the country, there are a few factors that you must be aware of. It takes more than a lovely building or a nice lobby to make a good care home, so start by asking some questions

First, ask about what the staff to resident ratio is. A care home that is too crowded or which has too many residents per staff member on duty is one where your loved one might not get the care that he or she needs, especially if there is a concern about the need for immediate medical attention. Make sure that each room has a bell that is easily accessible by the resident and inquire about how long it takes staff to answer a bell.

Remember that you should always tour the facility on a normal day. Avoid holidays or weekends as they are going to be too busy for you to get a good view of what is going on. Look at the residents themselves and see if they are well-groomed and neat. Get a feel for the general mood of the care home. A good care home has residents that are positioned comfortably in a social manner, and they are typically alert and aware. A care home where the residents appear listless or bored is a problematic matter.

Make sure that you always see the room that is under consideration for your loved one. In some cases, they will need to share a room, and if that is the case, there should be four beds or less in each room, with each bed having its own privacy curtain. Each bedroom should have a window, and aside from a bed, each resident should have a certain amount of his or her own furniture. This is an important factor when you want to make sure of your loved one’s comfort as well as their safety.

Don’t forget to consider the location of the care home as well. If your loved one is used to seeing family on a regular basis, it is ideal to keep them close. Choose a care home that is well within visiting distance of you and the rest of the family. This allows your loved one to avoid feeling as though they have been exiled.

Ask to see the dining area as well as the menu for the next two weeks. A care facility should provide at least two weeks worth of meals without needing to repeat a dish. Look over the menu carefully and make sure that your loved one’s dietary issues are going to be met. Are reasonable alternatives provided if a resident cannot eat what is on the menu? These reasonable alternatives are mandated by law, and a care facility that does not obey this stricture is out of compliance.

Use all of your senses when you are evaluating a care home. If you detect strong odors, whether they include urine, feces or overly-powerful deodorants, there may be poor care issues at work.

Be sure to check your desired care facility’s records with the state-level organization that governs nursing home complaints. Each state has a different one, and this can help you avoid a facility that has been in trouble before.

You want to give your loved one the best care available, so remember that not every care facility is created equally. Choose a care facility that is suited to your loved one’s needs, and remember to evaluate each considered facility carefully.

My name is Nisha, I represent a site called mha.org. I like to write about elderly care and families.

The to-do items on my task list are mundane: organize photo albums; put winter coats in storage; and clean the barbeque grill. Nothing exciting. What they have in common, however, is the fact that once I complete the task, I feel good. Last year, I added a new task to my to-do list that has made me feel GREAT – and that word is “toss.”

So simple. So easy. Once a week I take a look around the house and find something that no longer serves a purpose in my life. Everything from a pair of earrings to an unused dining room table has found a new home. The item either goes in the trash or gets donated. I also give valuables and mementos to my daughter and grandchildren who are delighted to have something of mine to remember me by.

The word most associated with this discarding process is “downsizing.” But I see it as something much more than that. Getting rid of unwanted items needs to have a more positive spin. The act of tossing and giving items away is uplifting and freeing.  As my load gets lighter and lighter, I become less attached to my belongings and more focused on the real stuff of life.  I’ve also become less interested in accumulating new things. I buy what I need — clothes, food, wine, travel, technology, Internet access.

Ever since I went into “toss mode,” friends and family are complaining that they no longer know what to buy me for my birthday. I just smile. I know exactly what I want. Buy me time with you. Let’s take a long walk along Lake Michigan. Let’s spend a rainy Sunday afternoon playing Banagrams. Let’s go on a road trip to Mississippi. Let’s volunteer together at a soup kitchen.

If you like the idea of lightening your load, and would like to make a few extra dollars selling your items, check out these websites:

Yardsellr.com

Etsy.com (handmade goods only)

Craigslist.org

eBay.com

Additional popular selling options are consignment shops, garage sales, and estate sales. Consignment shops are good for selling designer clothing, household furnishings, and decorative items.

If you don’t want to go it alone, you may want to hire a professional move manager or professional organizer… check out nasmm.com and napo.net.

I hope I’ve inspired you to lighten up your load..

By Kaye Swain

“Honey, is it time for my cold pack?” my senior mom asked. Checking the clock, I headed for the freezer to grab one of the three hot and cold gel packs we had in there. With the various health issues my sandwich generation family deals with, I always have a good supply of cold packs and ice bags in stock and they come in so handy.

Recuperating from surgery, she was following her doctor’s orders to apply them to the wound regularly, 20 minutes on and 20 minutes off. Not only did they keep the swelling down. They also helped keep the pain at bay, meaning she was able to use less pain medication. That’s always a win-win for all of us and especially for our elderly parents.

For a loved one’s wrist surgery, we used both the gel cold packs under the wrist along with some “old-fashioned” ice bags on top of the wrist. Those bags may look retro but they work great! They covered the whole wrist better than the gel packs.

Some tips I’ve learned that can really help:

• Make sure your hot and cold gel packs are the kind that stay flexible when they are frozen. I bought some once that turned into “hard rocks” when frozen and they are not at all comfortable or useful.
• The hot and cold gel packs are especially nice because they work in the freezer OR the microwave.  But it’s vital to read the directions that come with them. If you don’t do it just right, you can ruin your gel packs. That’s the last thing you need when caring for an injured patient.
• There are some hot and cold packs with covers and velcro straps that are particularly handy for use when you or a loved one needs icing but also needs to keep moving. Also, if you are caring for aging parents with Alzheimers Disease who need to keep ice bags on a wound but keep taking them off, these may be helpful to encourage them to leave the cold pack alone.

We have several sizes and types of cold packs and ice bags and keep them stored in a plastic container in the garage when they aren’t needed. They really are great “tools for the caregiver.”

Kaye Swain is a member of the Sandwich Generation dealing with the issues of caring for the elderly parents and relatives in her family while also babysitting grandchildren. She enjoys writing on those topics at SandwichINK, in order to provide other multigenerational caregivers with useful information, resources and encouragement.

Spending sixty percent of my waking hours on airplanes going from here to there for work purpose offers me plenty of opportunities to meet fascinating people in the waiting area. Such was the case a few months back when I had the privilege to meet Sue Parrish, lead product designer for Keepsake Threads.

The story behind this wonderful company goes like this…

On July 3, 2009 Byron Carrier passed away. His wife, Mary, spent the next five months sewing 32 bears out of his clothing.  She surprised her children and grandchildren with them for Christmas later that year. Byron Carrier’s legacy lives on.  It lives on through the teaching that he did for so many years and it lives on as his clothing comes to life in Mary’s bears.   And so Keepsake Threads was born.

Mary’s daughter-in-law, Kathy Carrier, is the mastermind behind Keepsake Threads and a successful entrepreneur who understood the opportunity, felt the calling, and moved forward.  Kathy also owns a successful 250-person consulting firm, Briljent.

“The mission of Keepsake Threads is to serve the Lord by serving others,” says Kathy. Profits are donated to Hope International, an organization that serves the poorest of the poor across the globe with microfinance services

Today Keepsake Threads offers a wide variety of keepsake products that are custom made from your own sentimental clothing items.  The company is able to repurpose garments that are no longer worn, but hold special meaning, into goods that can be used and enjoyed on a daily basis.

Keepsake Threads features items from a fashionable women’s scarf, to pillows made from neckties, to a quilt displaying pieces of a treasured wedding dress.  They are also able to transfer photographs or sentimental documents, such as a page out of a journal or recipe book, on to fabric and incorporate that into a one-of-a-kind keepsake item.

If you or someone you care for is making their way through the grieving process, is preparing to celebrate a milestone (wedding, graduation, baby, etc.) or simply has clothing that is not worn, but cannot be parted with, why not check out www.keepsakethreads.com and let your imagination run wild? They also have a phenomenal designer (Sue Parrish) on hand to help you craft the perfect item for your situation.

Please email them at info@keepsakethreads.com or call 1-877-99THREADS and tell them Joy Loverde sent you.

If you have a loved one with Alzheimer’s or dementia, you know that conversation and other daily activities can be a challenge.  Some days are better than others, but life is simply different.  Recognizing that and making adjustments will make the road ahead smoother for both of you.

If you’re the caregiver, this is doubly important. Even if you’re just a friend or relative around for a visit, there are some things to keep in mind.

In the early stages of Alzheimer’s your loved one can still manage many of their daily activities by themselves or with just a little help.  In fact, this stage is a bit tricky because they will sometimes feel as though they are completely capable of doing everything and may resent help.  Offer suggestions rather than commands.  Guide but don’t ridicule.   Consider what matters.  It’s important to dress appropriately for the weather – no shorts in January or down jackets in July.  But is it really a big deal if they pair red stripes with orange polka dots to wear around the house?  Probably not.

In the moderate to advanced stages of the disease, the person may not be able to follow directions and will need physical help to accomplish the tasks.  Eventually the caregiver will need to get them dress, brush their teeth, etc.  Unfortunately, about the time that helps is needed; many Alzheimer’s patients become combative.  Try to stay in good spirits and keep an open mind.  They’re not fighting you.  They just want to do something, but don’t know what it is.  That can make a person feel a great deal of stress and agitation.

Alzheimer’s patients at every level will do best with as much routine as possible.  The world is easier to navigate when breakfast, lunch and dinner is at the same time daily.  If they know what is about to happen, it gives them as sense of comfort.  Many people with Alzheimer’s (depending on the stage of the disease) will be unaware of dates and time of day.  Seasons are also soon forgotten.  These larger units don’t matter as much, however, as knowing that every day after lunch is activity time.

Also, you may soon notice that there are certain times of day that your loved one functions best.  Are they sleepy and sluggish early in the morning or at their most alert?  Many Alzheimer’s patients experience sundowner’s syndrome around dinnertime. You may see more wandering, confusion, restlessness and even hallucinations.  While this is very normal for those with Alzheimer’s, it can be distressing for loved ones.  If you’re a caregiver, avoid planning activities or tasks for them at this time of day.  If you’re a friend or family member plan to visit earlier in the day if possible.

The more you can stick with routine the better, but when confronted with something out of the ordinary (whether from your loved one or the outside world) the more you can stay calm and roll with the punches, the better the results for both of you.

Patti R. Albaugh

Treat Gently, This Gentle Man is available for Kindle download from http://www.amazon.com/Treat-Gently-This-Gentle-ebook/dp/B006OUK3WU/ for only $0.99.

We would like invite you to explore her book and determine whether Treat Gently could be a resource for you. You can visit the Amazon site for the paperback version at http://www.amazon.com/Treat-Gently-This-Gentle-Man/dp/061528745X/ where you are able to read sample chapters. Readers can buy the book at https://www.createspace.com/3377980 for a 45% discount. Use the code 3CJWWANB.

Cramps in the feet and legs, especially at bedtime, are not
uncommon for many of us. I remember first experiencing extremely
painful ones when I was pregnant. Oh my gracious, they were awful!
Eventually, I ended that season of life and went through a good
ten or 20 years rarely experiencing them.

Now that I am flirting with senior citizen status, they’re back
and almost as painful as before. My senior mom struggles with them
even more than I do, and it’s more difficult for her to stop the
pain by standing up, because her range of motion is more
limited.

She’s tried soap under her mattress. (Don’t laugh.
Regardless of whether it was a placebo effect or one of those
wive’s tales that really worked, it did help for quite a while.)
Then she was scheduled for surgery and I was concerned she would have
a nasty flare-up of cramps in the hospital and be unable to easily
change her position or stand up at all. We talked to her surgeon about
this, and he prescribed some medication in case they occurred.

When she was discharged, we again talked to the doctor and he sent
her home with a prescription to ease the pain if one attacked, along
with a muscle relaxant to help prevent them, as needed. She has rarely
taken it, but has so appreciated these medications when the occasional
cramp has reared its ugly head.

In retrospect, I wish we’d thought to ask her family doctor for
help much earlier. Knowing  her though, I know she’d have
said, “Oh, I don’t want to bother the doctor by
complaining.” I’ve heard that from her in the past, as well
as from some of the other seniors I’ve worked with over the years.
It’s not useless complaining, though, if there is something that
can be done for a problem.

No matter what it is, it’s always wise to discuss any physical
changes in your senior parents or things that are causing discomfort
to them with their doctor. Granted, the doctor may explain that there
is nothing that can be done for that issue at this time. Still, even
that is useful information as they now have a more complete picture of
what’s going on with your senior parent’s physical health. And
that’s always a big help as well.

Kaye Swain is a member of the Sandwich Generation dealing with the issues of caring for the elderly parents and relatives in her family while also babysitting grandchildren. She enjoys writing on those topics at SandwichINK, in order to provide other multigenerational caregivers with useful information, resources and encouragement.

Wendy Lustbader is a wise woman. If you do not know of her, check out a few of her many books such as, Counting on Kindness a book about becoming dependent on others for help, and What’s Worth Knowing which is a collection of insights gathered from older people.

Wendy Lustbader is a medical social worker. Mental health, quality home and nursing care, and hospital geriatrics are her specialties. Today, she is the Affiliate Associate Professor at the University of Washington School of Social Work and lectures nationally on subjects related to aging.

Wendy writes a blog, and I recently came across a list she posted titled, “Ten Ways Life Gets Better as We Got Older,” adapted from her latest book, Life gets Better: The Unexpected Pleasures of Growing Older.

Post Wendy’s list on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror as a reminder of the many advantages of growing older:

1. Confidence grows. Youth is a time of searching and insecurity, trying to figure out how to live, and as time passes we gather more and more certainty about our own aims and preferences. We become less interested in comparing ourselves to others, having slowly gained an internal compass.

2. Self-knowledge deepens. An expanding awareness of our strengths and vulnerabilities helps us endure difficult times with more equanimity. We are not buffeted around so much by other people’s opinions about the choices we make and what we should do with our lives. It becomes a pleasure to stand our ground in tricky situations, not out of stubborn pride but because we finally know who we are.

3. Get better at relationships. One of the most significant skills gained with age is employing what we have learned about ourselves in how we conduct our relationships. With intimate partners, especially, self-knowledge allows us to be more open about our weaknesses as we try not to repeat the same mistakes we’ve made in the past. We appreciate the loyalty of true friends more and more, having less patience for superficial relationships.

4. Handle decision-making with less frenzy. Gradually, the hard-earned benefits of hindsight start to add up. We see where we went wrong earlier on, allowing our past mistakes to inform our present situation. We can assess the pro’s and con’s of complex choices on the basis of our lived experience, rather than having to guess about the implications of taking one path rather than another.

5. Courage becomes nimble. Having gotten through hard times and come out the other side, we are less afraid of adversity. We know how crucial it is to seize contentment whenever we can find it, rather than standing at the sidelines waiting for the best opportunities. We know that life consists of compromises, mixed with a bit of luck and risk, and there is no time like the present.

6. Become more interested in others. Generosity begins to occupy a central place in how we regard the value of what we do. As the decades pass, we find that we need to contribute to the greater good more than our own self-betterment. We become more sympathetic toward others, having found that we all face the same fundamental predicaments.

7. Spirituality deepens. The search for meaning goes on throughout the lifespan, but in our later years such questions become more urgent and begin to take precedence. Meanwhile, petty concerns recede to their rightful place in the background. Going through bereavement wakes us up to the spiritual domain in a manner that shows us what really matters in life.

8. Become more vivacious. The real action in life is interior. The body slowly deteriorates, but the soul expands. When we are young, we look at elders and cannot see the exciting developments going on inside. The most lively people are those who have death in sight and so are determined to live life to the fullest.

9. See further. The radiance that can often be seen in elders comes from becoming more alive. Once we stop hurrying so much, we develop a quality of attentiveness that adds new dimensions to our experience. It takes time to accept the body’s imperative to slow down, but once we do we are able to access the quadrant of life where ordinary freedoms are cherished.

10. Receptivity to joy widens. Awareness of our mortality conveys immediacy in everything we do. We no longer squander our time, because time is the currency that has become more precious. This is our one and only life, and we recognize this more keenly than ever before.

Thank you, Wendy for this fabulous list!