Things are heating up. If you’ve been following Parts 1 through 7 regarding the adventures of my Aunt Bernice and her reluctance to move out of her house, then you know that she would have been far better off had she made the move a year ago when she invited me over to her house to help her “pack a few boxes.”

The continuous spending of money (she doesn’t have)in order to keep up with the interior and exterior house maintenance combined with her serious chronic physical ailments still isn’t enough to make her budge.

Last summer, the family room in her house flooded after a rainstorm. She spent a lot of money fixing the leak and repairing damaged walls, carpeting and furniture. I recall her telling me how much better she felt knowing that her family room would never flood again. Ha! Last week, the same thing happened again. The rains came and flooded everything. And that’s not all.

Several weeks ago, at 2:30 am, she decided to move her bedroom nightstand (a heavy piece of furniture). In the process of dragging the nightstand to the other side of the bed, the top fell off and landed on her foot. She said she “saw stars” it hurt so much. Her walking is now impaired.

Last week, she went to lunch with two close friends who announced that they are selling their house and moving to something more manageable. My Aunt told me that she found their news “shocking.” For years this couple swore up and down that they would never move.

If you have been following this “Moving a Reluctant Parent” blog series, you are beginning to get the picture that the myriad house issues compounded by physical ailments is exactly what will eventually wear down a reluctant-to-move  elderly person.  And in the meantime, even though it may look like I am doing nothing to stop the destruction, just the opposite is true.

Behind the scenes, I have done my homework and readied myself to discuss housing options with her when she declares “enough is enough.” I am also psychologically prepared to physically go to her house if/when she physically hurts herself again (a physical crisis often forces a move). Most importantly, I have kept the lines of communication open with her by NOT talking about moving every time we get together. Had I tried to verbally strong-arm her into moving, she would not be disclosing the bad things that are happening to her now. The trust level between the two of us is sky-high and must remain there.

The other day, I got a greeting card in the mail from Aunt Bernice, and in the card were family photos taken long ago when our families got together at her house and we were surrounded with loved and revered relatives who died long ago. I see this photo-giving gesture as progress toward her move. I imagine at night, she gets out those family albums and has herself a good cry. Oh so slowly she is re-living her memories; then says goodbye to the gifts her home has given her for over 50 years.

This, dear readers, is why I have been 100% respectful of Aunt Bernice’s relocation process. The time will come, one way or another that she will move, and I am prepared for anything, and I mean anything, to happen.

Are you the primary family member caring for one or more of the elderly parents or other relatives in your family? What would happen to them if something happened to you?

My senior mom lives with me. I have help but I am, indeed, the one in charge of her affairs. My elderly mom is still quite active but she no longer drives, and she has me help quite a bit with checks, budgets, etc. I take her to the doctor’s, stay with her when she has to have an operation, and am generally the all around go-to person for her care.

Last week, a young woman lost control of her vehicle and hit my car. Thankfully, she was going slow, we saw it coming, and I was able to swerve a bit out of the way. The end result was that all of us walked away just fine from the accident, although my poor car will be recuperating for a while in a repair shop. What could have been awful turned out to be just a major inconvenience and I am so grateful to God for that!

What if things had gone differently? What if I had died or been seriously injured? My family would all jump in and help but I have to admit, the paperwork could be a bit neater! I am good about always putting all of my family’s names on the medical charts we fill out. That way, if my mom was in the hospital and I wasn’t available, the medical staff could talk to other family members. But there are definitely some areas I need to address and you might want to think about these issues as well. Then, if something does happen, we will have a lot less stress to go along with it.

• HIPAA  Forms – These confidentiality forms need to be filled out appropriately if you want to be able to discuss your senior parents’ medical needs with their care providers. Make sure you also have plenty of other family members’ names on them to cover a wide range of emergencies. It’s not uncommon for multigenerational families like mine in the same area to travel together. It’s wise to include friends and relatives who do NOT live nearby as well, just in case.

• Will or Trust – Have the original and a copy easily available. If a trust, have at least one or two other trustees designated in case something happens to you. The more people listed, the less you have to be concerned if more than one of you are incapacitated. And sadly, that can happen. How many multiple car crashes have we read about in bad weather? For that matter, in one year, our family experienced two deaths and three major hospitalizations – all for different members of the family and two of the hospitalizations were within a couple of weeks of each other!

• Power of Attorney –  Have the original and several copies (for banks, doctors, etc.) available. Like the trust, this should also have at least two or three names designated on it, complete with regularly updated addresses and phone numbers. Be sure to review it at least once a year to see what, if any, changes and updates are required.

• Living Will for medical decisions – Just as with the Power of Attorney, it would be good to have two or three names on it, if that is allowed. Again, make sure the document is reviewed annually.

• When traveling out of the area, keep a photocopy of the essential documents from the power of attorney and the living will in your purse or briefcase. If something happened to your senior parent while you were gone, you could fax the needed forms to the medical personnel requesting them.  (You may be thinking that isn’t necessary since your doctor and hospital already have copies of all these documents. I’ve learned the hard way that, even when they have been scanned into the computers and EVERYONE says we’re covered – we haven’t been! Twice in the last year, first with my senior mom and later with a grandchild, we discovered that various hospital and medical departments that SHOULD have had access to those forms did NOT. So now, I make sure I have copies with me at all times.)

• Phone Numbers – Make sure you print out a list of all important phone numbers – medical offices, pharmacy office and prescription numbers, relatives and friends who would need to be notified in an emergency, etc. So many of us depend on our cell phones but if yours is password protected like my iPhone, others might not be able to access that vital information. In addition to the phone numbers, you might want to add the password information for the cell phone. OR if you want to be more confidential, have the password information available for the person who will be taking over for you (the next trustee on the trust, etc.) in the safe deposit box or somewhere else secure enough for your comfort but accessible by the party who would need it. Even with that provision though, you should still have a hard copy in secure files in case your phone is damaged or lost.

• Financial records – Keep them all together. Go through and add notes to help others understand what is going on in case you aren’t there to explain everything. As with the phone numbers, have a master list of computer and website logon information and passwords for any online accounts that would be needed but make sure they are kept in a safe place.

Well, this is a good start. I’m going to be reviewing my documents over the next few months to help ensure that caring for my elderly parents will continue fairly easily, even if I am temporarily or permanently unable to do it myself. How about you?

Kaye Swain is a member of the Sandwich Generation dealing with the issues of caring for the elderly parents and relatives in her family while also babysitting grandchildren. She enjoys writing on those topics at SandwichINK, in order to provide other multigenerational caregivers with useful information, resources and encouragement.

As an HR professional, the more you can prepare your company employees for inevitable family caregiving responsibilities, the more stable your workplace. Part 1 of “Eldercare in the Workplace: Listen up HR Professionals” offered suggestions on helping employees become aware of eldercare issues. This blog will offer specific action steps you can take to help employed family members plan for the inevitable responsibility of eldercare:

1. Spread the word.

Boost eldercare awareness by consistently publicizing eldercare programs and resources in your employee newsletter, e-mail, bulletin boards, paycheck envelopes, and television monitors.

2. Encourage Early Planning.

Provide an easy way for employees to purchase books and videos on eldercare and family caregiving topics. The most efficient way for anyone to start the process of eldercare planning is to buy a copy of The Complete Eldercare Planner (Mary link please).

Influence employees to plan early on by providing information about the company’s eldercare programs in the employee benefits packet.

3. Educate. Educate. Educate.

Offer bi-monthly eldercare planning workshops during the lunch hour. Bring in the experts who can give employees one-on-one advice and resources. Elder law attorneys, financial planners, family caregiving professionals, and others offer a wealth of expertise.

4. Offer Information and Referrals.

Advertise eldercare and family caregiving resources. Display local and national eldercare resources. Call your local hospital, area agency on aging, social service organizations, and specific illness associations like the Alzheimer’s Association and ask them to send free brochures and directories.

5. Supplement Employee Assistance Programs.

Employee assistance programs are greatly enhanced when the subject of eldercare is integrated into existing services such as confidential hot-lines and one-on-one counseling sessions. Let employees know that the company’s employee assistance program is yet another outlet to share their family eldercare concerns. At the same time, counselors can influence employees to plan ahead by recommending eldercare books, videos and workshops that gain responsible behavior on the part of the employee.

Give every employee the opportunity to plan for eldercare and family caregiving responsibilities, and you’ll have the peace of mind knowing you’ve armed them as best you can to help keep the workplace running smoothly.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

FAMILIES LACK KNOWLEDGE OF SENIORS’ MEDICATIONS AND FINANCES, NEW RESEARCH SHOWS

Free “Senior Emergency Kit” Helps Adult Children Prepare For Crisis

OMAHA, Neb. (May 10, 2011) – Many future family caregivers are unprepared for a senior care emergency, lacking knowledge of their seniors’ medications and important financial information, according to new research for the Home Instead Senior Care^® network. The survey was conducted by The Boomer Project of more than 600 adults ages 45 to 65 who said they are likely to assume a caregiver role for their parents within the next 10 years. Less than half (47 percent) say they are knowledgeable about their parents’ medical histories in case of an emergency

Among other findings, the study showed:

• Approximately half (49 percent) are unable to name any of the medications taken by their parents each day.

• Three in 10 (31 percent) don’t know how many medications their parents take.

• About one-third (34 percent) doesn’t know if their parents have a safety deposit box or where the key is located.

• An estimated 36 percent don’t know where their seniors’ financial information is located.

“This survey was no surprise to us, since we often are called to assist when families are in crisis,” said Jeff Huber, president and Chief Operating Officer (COO) of the Home Instead Senior Care network. “We’ve seen the turmoil that such a situation creates and we’ve also witnessed how much smoother it can go when families are prepared.”

That’s why the Home Instead Senior Care network has worked with Humana Points of Caregiving^® to develop a variety of resources including the Senior Emergency Kit^SM and website at www.SeniorEmergencyKit.com that can help family caregivers keep important information at their fingertips.

The toolkit is designed so that family caregivers have ready access to such information as a senior’s doctors’, pharmacy and insurance company, medications and dosage details, as well as allergies and important documents.

For more information, visit the site or contact your local Home Instead Senior Care office. To find an office near you, visit www.homeinstead.com.

ABOUT HOME INSTEAD SENIOR CARE

Founded in 1994 in Omaha by Lori and Paul Hogan, the Home Instead Senior Care^® network is the world’s largest provider of non-medical in-home care services for seniors, with more than 900 independently owned and operated franchises providing in excess of 45 million hours of care throughout the United States, Canada, Japan, Portugal, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, the United Kingdom, Taiwan, Switzerland, Germany, South Korea, Finland, Austria, Italy and Puerto Rico. The Home Instead Senior Care network employs more than 65,000 CAREGivers^SM worldwide who provide basic support services – activities of daily living (ADLs), personal care, medication reminders, meal preparation, light housekeeping, errands, incidental transportation and shopping – which enable seniors to live safely and comfortably in their own homes for as long as possible. At Home Instead Senior Care, it’s relationship before task, while continuing to provide superior quality service that enhances the lives of seniors everywhere.

ABOUT HUMANA POINTS OF CAREGIVING

Humana Points of Caregiving® is a complete caregiving community, with expert information, advice, and tools to help caregivers make decisions with confidence. For more information, call 1-877-260-7277 (TTY: 711) Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time.

Humana Points of Caregiving is made available by Humana Inc., one of the nation’s largest publicly traded health and supplemental benefits companies. As a leader in health benefits innovation, Humana delivers guidance and consumer-oriented options for individuals and employer groups who seek the best possible healthcare outcomes through choosing, financing, and using their benefits with confidence.

# # #

CONTACT:

Chris Roslan
DRC Inc. Public Relations
(212) 966-4600
chris(AT)drcpublicrelations.com

Senior caregiving needs often sneak up on families. Many age-related illnesses may progress slowly and the suddenly prevent a senior from maintaining their daily lifestyle.  Senior care professionals call this maintaining “Activities of Daily Living” or ADL’s.

Parkinson’s Disease and Alzheimer’s Disease progress at different speeds for each person. A hip replacement or stroke may also happen suddenly and then require physical rehabilitation and caregiving services.

Senior care industry professionals provide the answers to costs and how to understand quality standards for home care and nursing homes on Caregiverlist.com.

The only resource with the daily cost of nursing homes nationwide, along with an explanation of Medicare health inspection ratings and quality standards for senior home care agencies, Caregiverlist.com guides you down the right roads for senior care.  Find out “by-state” senior care services and Medicare and Medicaid benefits for long-term care.

View the costs of nursing homes and find quality senior home care agencies near you to assist in planning your care ahead of time, just in case a health emergency demands an immediate need for senior care.

For example, a private room in a 5-Star nursing home in Arizona costs $350 and in Texas you can find one for $169.  Many other factors, beyond cost, are involved in choosing the right nursing home for rehabilitation. Caregiverlist also provides checklists that explain the quality standards you should look for when choosing a senior home care agency. Financial fraud is the #1 form of senior abuse and having the necessary professional care management and insurance protections are imperative when choosing the advantage of one-on-one care by a professional caregiver in the home.

Find costs and ratings for nursing homes nationwide: http://www.caregiverlist.com/Widgets.aspx/Ratings

Find costs and services of quality senior home care agencies: http://www.caregiverlist.com/Widgets.aspx/HomeCare

Julie Northcutt,
President, Caregiverlist, Inc.

As an entrepreneur in the senior care industry, Julie Northcutt launched Caregiverlist.com in 2008, to deliver the efficiencies of digital technology to senior care companies, senior caregivers and families.

Caregiverlist.com uses new technology to deliver objective and comprehensive information that helps families select the right senior care. Caregiverlist’s Career Center provides information on certification and training credentials required by all 50 states to assist caregivers to apply for jobs in their area and to assist senior care companies to hire more effectively. Seniors and caregivers can access senior service information “by state” and view Caregiverlist’s nursing home star ratings and proprietary directory of nursing home daily rates.

Ms. Northcutt developed the concept for Caregiverlist.com while owning a senior home care agency, Chicagoland Caregivers, and brings her experience and knowledge of senior care issues to Caregiverlist.com.

by Joy Loverde

Talking about eldercare issues and planning for old age isn’t easy. Besides, who wants to hash over unpleasant topics when aging parents and other elderly family members seem perfectly fine?

You may have been avoiding talking altogether, afraid that the conversation will be upsetting for you and for them.  And you’re right. However, taking the easy road now and avoiding eldercare discussions will eventually backfire when complex problems reveal themselves and the emotional (and financial) stability of the entire family is on shaky ground.

When is the best time to initiate eldercare planning conversations? Right now – while your parents are mentally competent and have the ability to make choices and decisions, and crises aren’t raining down on everyone. You may not realize it now but many of the “eldercare emergencies” you can end up confronting are avoidable by planning ahead.

So start brushing up on your effective communication skills. Taking a deep breath and initiating conversations with your aging parents will not only save you precious time and energy it also may strengthen your family ties with Mom and Dad.

My book, The Complete Eldercare Planner (Random House, 2009, Revised and Updated) is your roadmap through this unfamiliar and often unsettling territory and is an invaluable tool as you begin to create your personalized family caregiving strategies.

Start the process of opening up the dialogue with your aging parents by downloading the “Communicaring Action Checklist” from Chapter Four in The Complete Eldercare Planner: http://www.elderindustry.com/downloads.html

The American family has changed. With people living longer, it’s possible for families to consist of more adult members than children. Busier people and dual-career couples also mean fewer people are staying home during the day and into the night.

We spend most of our time at work, at school, and at play. Out of necessity, and as a way to stay connected, we’ve created extended families though hospitals, schools, and churches. We also look to where we work for help when we need it. Corporate America more and more is offering work-life programs in an attempt to help fill in the gaps of what used to take place within the confines of our homes – concierge-type services, child care and everything in-between.

There’s more physical distance between family members with many of us living hundreds of miles apart from each other. Undoubtedly, the family unit has evolved into something very different than it was in the past.

If you are caring for an aging parent, spouse, partner or other elderly loved one now is the time for you to expand your definition of “caregiving.” Too often, the people who are giving the care have rigid beliefs on who does what as well as how the care should be implemented. Making hasty statements like, “My mother will never go to a nursing home!” and taking pride in not asking others to pitch in will surely get the best of you. Unrealistic goals and unhealthy attitudes can sabotage the caregiving process.

When we come face-to-face with our own limitations and can’t provide the kind of care we wish we could, we feel it’s our own fault. The truth is we may not be the most qualified person to take on all of the caregiving responsibilities all of the time. Limitations of relationships, time, stamina, and skill dictate how much help we can realistically offer.

You cannot assist your elder alone; you will need help. One of the most important caregiving tasks is creating formal and informal support networks made up of family, friends, volunteers, and professionals.

My book, The Complete Eldercare Planner (Random House, 2009, Revised and Updated) is your roadmap through the family caregiving experience and is an invaluable resources as you begin to create a network of people who will help with eldercare and your family caregiving responsibilities.

Start the process of creating a care team by downloading the following forms from Chapter Two in The Complete Eldercare Planner   http://www.elderindustry.com/downloads.html

• Geriatric Case Manager Checklist

• Hiring In-home Helpers Checklist

• Paid Care Provider Work Agreement

• Creating a Care Team Action Checklist