If you are in the same boat as me (struggling with an elderly person who refuses move), take a look at my blogs 1 through 8 titled, “Moving a Reluctant Parent.” As you read along, pay particular attention to my attitude and communication strategies that I have employed along the way. My journey with my Aunt who refuses to move is now over two years and counting, and what I knew would eventually happen, is now happening.

Over the years I have mentally collected clear cut evidence that Aunt Bernice would be better off living somewhere else. Ever since the day she and I started talking about her move, things are taken a turn for the worse; she is having difficulties negotiating two flights of stairs; she is experiencing injuries due to a senior-unfriendly environment; she is finding out that her sons are not as readily accessible to help her when she needs it; her elderly neighbors are dying and moving away; she is spending money she is financially strapped and having difficulty keeping up with her mortgage and major interior and exterior repairs; she is experiencing chronic health issues; she is not sleeping at night because she is consumed with worries; and she is physically exhausted trying to do the actual work of maintaining the interior and exterior of the house.

In spite of the evidence, my Aunt’s response to everything that is happening around her and to her is, “That’s life.”

And so I take a deep breath, and make yet another attempt to see this situation form my Aunt’s point of view.  What am I not seeing that Aunt Bernice is seeing? How is it that we can look at this situation from polar opposites and both be right?

Once again, the necessity for me to switch gears is essential if I want to have any kind of relationship with my Aunt. If I want to be right (whatever that is) and insist that she move now, I will lose her. If I want to learn something here and now and be a better person for it in the long run then I will take another deep breath, say a prayer, and begin to figure out how to take conversations with my Aunt in an entirely different (and more emotionally difficult) direction.

The act of moving is relatively simple process. Look around. Toss, give away, or keep. Pack boxes. Put stuff in a moving van or storage. Unpack. You’re done. Is this what my Aunt is resisting? Of course not. What’s at stake here is the necessity to my Aunt to face deep seated emotional issues head on as they relate to through independence to interdependence and the death of times gone by.

For the past several months I have purposefully not said one word moving. Instead, I have stayed in closer contact and have let her do all the talking.  If she brought up the subject of moving, then I chimed in. If not, I listened for clues as to what is going on in her world. As hard as it has been for me to keep my mouth shut, this has proven to be an excellent strategy. The trust (and love) level between us remains high.

Truth is, my Aunt is not going to move anywhere until and unless she has dealt with the realities of old age and her realistic ability to remain in her own home, living alone.  I’ve said this time and time again… my staying 100% respectful of her  decision-making process and keeping the trust level high is eventually going to get me the results I am looking for – a smooth move transition.

Relatively few specialist services exist for younger people with dementia. Depending on where one resides, a person may be referred to a psychiatrist, a geriatrician, a neurologist and/or various combinations of health professionals. Additionally, specialist groups like the Alzheimer’s Association campaign for better services and provide support and advice for young men and women with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

Undoubtedly, the newly diagnosed are pioneers and traveling in unknown territory. Singer, Glen Campbell, championship coach, Pat Summitt, author, Michael Ellenbogen and millions of others need our help and they need it now. Today, there is no cure and no known way to slow its progression. Worse yet, the disease can easily bankrupt our health system if we do not get involved and act now.

How we can be helpful at this time is to get educated; learning what we can and supporting research efforts is a good start.  Also, look to politicians to amend the Social Security Act to provide for Medicare coverage of comprehensive Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia diagnosis and services in order to improve care and outcomes for Americans living with Alzheimer’s disease.

September is World Dementia Awareness Month. From 2012, national Alzheimer associations, people with dementia and advocates across the world will join together by raising awareness of dementia in their own country throughout September. A range of activities will take place in all regions of the world, with events such as Memory Walks, awareness-raising concerts, enjoyable events for people with dementia and their caregivers, and informative sessions both for the general public and for health care professionals. World Dementia Awareness Month developed, due to popular demand, out of World Alzheimer’s Day, which takes place every year on 21 September.

My two elderly friends, Martha and Mary are legally blind, and I am in constant awe of the many ways they negotiate their way through everyday life without a hitch.

Martha developed Retinitis pigmentosa in her early 40’s. Mary has been blind since birth. And when it comes to these two women NOTHING has ever gotten in their way when it comes to working, cooking, cleaning the house, getting around, making friends, dating, and volunteering. You name it, they do it – just like you and me.

Martha and Mary’s  courage to do what it takes to live full out in a sightless world is awesome, and watching them in action is a constant reminder of their willingness to stay current on products and services in order to succeed in life. On top of that, Mary and Martha also have no difficulty whatsoever asking others for help. They both have zillions of friends who are there for them at a drop of a hat. They developed the courage to ask for help early on… and today it is paying off big time.

Which leads me to tell you about a computer tool and a wonderful organization that can positively change the life of someone you know that is visually impaired – CDesk and Foundation Fighting Blindness.

CDesk is an easy-to-use all inclusive software/hardware solution for older adults who are visually impaired. Randyce Wechter, president of Adaptive Voice, developed CDesk as a result of being blind for five years. After regaining sight in one eye, she was determined to create a product that allowed sightless people the ability to remain fully functioning on the computer.

With CDesk, anyone who is visually impaired can create word documents (with built-in spell checker), manage contacts, access email and convert HTML to TEXT, translate languages, open attachments, browse the Internet, scan documents, create spreadsheets, access calendars and make appointments, play games, and SKYPE. Undoubtedly, Randyce has demonstrated a true understanding of the challenges faced by the visually impaired, and she has paid attention to the smallest details which is what makes CDesk a useful program.

You may also have an interest in learning more about Foundation Fighting Blindness.  Since its founding in 1971, the Foundation Fighting Blindness organization has been dedicated to funding innovative research to find preventions, treatments, and cures for inherited retinal degenerative diseases that lead to blindness and affect more than 10 million people in the United States.

Retinitis pigmentosa and Usher syndrome are inherited diseases commonly diagnosed during childhood or young adulthood. RP causes severe vision loss leading to legal and/or complete blindness. Children with Usher syndrome are born with varying degrees of deafness and later develop RP.

Age-related macular degeneration has inherited risks and is characterized by a progressive loss of central vision. AMD is the leading cause of blindness in adults over age 55 in the U.S. and other developed countries.

The Foundation provides information and outreach programs for patients, families and professionals. To date, the Foundation has raised more than $425 million. The more we know about retinal degenerative diseases, the better we can find cures to stop it.

FOUNDATION FIGHTING BLINDNESS
7168 Columbia Gateway Drive, Suite 100

Columbia, MD 21046
Toll-free: 1-800-683-5555

www.FightBlindness.org

Dakim. Just hearing that funny-sounding word makes me happy. Why? Because of the world of good their brain-fitness product is doing to help my Mom age successfully. Every day, she sits at her computer for 20 minutes or so, exercising her brain with the Dakim Brain Fitness program I installed on her laptop.

The wonderful people who created Dakim brain fitness programs have taught me a lot about brain fitness over the years. One important lesson has to do with teaching me the difference between brain fitness games and brain fitness exercises. Who knew?

Mind games like Bananagrams and Kanoodle zone in on a single cognitive function much like doing a series of push-ups in order to strengthen upper arms – repeating the same activity over and over again works the same muscle. Brain fitness exercises, on the other hand offer a structured system of brain work outs that are specifically designed to affect a wide range of cognitive areas.

Here’s where we come to the fork in the road when it comes to a commitment to long-term brain health.

Casual brain-gaming requires little effort. Pick up a crossword puzzle and work the words. Brain games are cheap, quick and easy. Play on impulse and game over. And, since individual brain games tend to be limited in scope, the amusement of it all may be short-lived. This is what professionals in the field refer to as “brain teasers.”

A daily commitment to brain health and related brain-health exercises offers greater rewards than playing mind games (same holds true regarding a commitment to a daily physical-fitness routine). Improvements in memory and protection against the effects of age-related cognitive decline is what it’s all about, and structured brain fitness programs such as Dakim are available for anyone who is serious about maintaining his or her brain health.

Until now, I never really gave much consideration to brain games vs. brain exercise. I thought they were pretty much the same. And now I know that’s not the case at all.

Get serious about protecting your brain health and the brain health of an elderly loved one and invest in a proven brain fitness exercise program that works. I highly recommend Dakim as a comprehensive clinically tested brain fitness exercise program. It’s great fun, too.

To find out more about Dakim, visit the Joy Loverde’s website “Recommended Resources” page, and click on the Dakim logo… http://www.elderindustry.com/resources.html

The good news is, doing new and fun things together need not be an expensive venture. Try some of these:

Reminisce: Old age is a time for remembering and weaving together life experiences that define who we are. Every older adult is unique and has a life story to tell. The idea here is to set aside special moments to talk one-on-one. Look around. Does your elder own an heirloom necklace or brooch? You might ask, “What is the personal significance of this object?”  Or how about asking,” Were your high school years the best of times or the worst of time?”

Feet Treat: Make your next visit with Mom extra special by doing something both of you will enjoy – a lemon-mint footbath. Here’s all you need to get started:

1. Lay flat, large smooth stones in a plastic basin.
2. Fill basin with lukewarm water.
3. Add a sliced lemon.
4. For every half-gallon of water, add 4 drops of peppermint oil.
5. Rub 2 handfuls of peppermint or spearmint leaves together and add to basin.
6. Slide feet over the slipper stones for at least 4 minutes. Ahhhh.

Live and Learn: When was the last time you both held a paint brush in your hand?  Invite Mom to join you for a one-day art class. Frame your masterpieces and hang them proudly side-by-side. To find inexpensive classes type “one-day art class” along with the name of your city in the Internet browser.

Give a little: Volunteer together for one day in your community – at a hospital or school. Imagine the heartwarming stories you’ll share at the end of the day.

Cut it out: Decoupage is something everyone in the family can do (if they can safely handle scissors). Use paper cutouts from magazines, wallpaper or photos to decorate wood boxes, canvas, frames, and small side tables. It’s a great way to spend a rainy afternoon. Visit the local craft store for decoupage kits.

Write about it: The art of writing knows no limits. From entering a poetry or short-story contest to writing letters to long-time friends – what  story would you like to tell together?

You’ll find lots more easy and inexpensive ideas in my book The Complete Eldercare Planner (Random House, 2009, Updated and Revised).

I hope you enjoy these ideas. I’d love to hear from you if you have creative ideas of your own to share:

Things are heating up. If you’ve been following Parts 1 through 7 regarding the adventures of my Aunt Bernice and her reluctance to move out of her house, then you know that she would have been far better off had she made the move a year ago when she invited me over to her house to help her “pack a few boxes.”

The continuous spending of money (she doesn’t have)in order to keep up with the interior and exterior house maintenance combined with her serious chronic physical ailments still isn’t enough to make her budge.

Last summer, the family room in her house flooded after a rainstorm. She spent a lot of money fixing the leak and repairing damaged walls, carpeting and furniture. I recall her telling me how much better she felt knowing that her family room would never flood again. Ha! Last week, the same thing happened again. The rains came and flooded everything. And that’s not all.

Several weeks ago, at 2:30 am, she decided to move her bedroom nightstand (a heavy piece of furniture). In the process of dragging the nightstand to the other side of the bed, the top fell off and landed on her foot. She said she “saw stars” it hurt so much. Her walking is now impaired.

Last week, she went to lunch with two close friends who announced that they are selling their house and moving to something more manageable. My Aunt told me that she found their news “shocking.” For years this couple swore up and down that they would never move.

If you have been following this “Moving a Reluctant Parent” blog series, you are beginning to get the picture that the myriad house issues compounded by physical ailments is exactly what will eventually wear down a reluctant-to-move  elderly person.  And in the meantime, even though it may look like I am doing nothing to stop the destruction, just the opposite is true.

Behind the scenes, I have done my homework and readied myself to discuss housing options with her when she declares “enough is enough.” I am also psychologically prepared to physically go to her house if/when she physically hurts herself again (a physical crisis often forces a move). Most importantly, I have kept the lines of communication open with her by NOT talking about moving every time we get together. Had I tried to verbally strong-arm her into moving, she would not be disclosing the bad things that are happening to her now. The trust level between the two of us is sky-high and must remain there.

The other day, I got a greeting card in the mail from Aunt Bernice, and in the card were family photos taken long ago when our families got together at her house and we were surrounded with loved and revered relatives who died long ago. I see this photo-giving gesture as progress toward her move. I imagine at night, she gets out those family albums and has herself a good cry. Oh so slowly she is re-living her memories; then says goodbye to the gifts her home has given her for over 50 years.

This, dear readers, is why I have been 100% respectful of Aunt Bernice’s relocation process. The time will come, one way or another that she will move, and I am prepared for anything, and I mean anything, to happen.

elder care

In 1965, Congress passed the Older Americans Act (OAA) in response to a lack of community social services for older persons. Back then the “aging” profession was in its infancy yet government thought leaders understood that the needs of a burgeoning older population could not be ignored.

Newly created grant programs allowed qualified older adults to receive services under many Federal programs. In 2006, OAA was modified, and today, the OAA is considered to be the major vehicle for the organization and delivery of social and nutrition services to older Americans and their family caregivers.

The links below offer abrief overview of OAA services including frequently asked question sand other related information:

• Aging and Disability Resource Centers (ADRCs)
• Civic Engagement
• Elder Justice
• Evidence-Based Health Promotion Disease Prevention Programs
• Mental health
• National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP)
• Nutrition
• Payer of Last Resort
• Private Pay
• Self-Directed Care
• State Plans
• Targeting/Limited English Proficiency
• Transportation

Another important off-shoot of the OAA is the employment opportunities offered to people who are interested in the myriad activities related to keeping the OAA running smoothly.

At this point you may be asking yourself,why do I need to care about OAA? The answer, dear blog reader may not be something youwant to hear.

If you’ve been reading my blogs over the years you know darn well that there is a very real chancethat your aging parents will run out of money. People are living a third longer than they thought they would; the longer your parents live the greater the chance their money well will run dry. And if and when that happens, you will want to tap into OAA for assistance of one kind or another.

At this writing The Older American’s Act is in trouble.BIG TROUBLE.I urge you to learn more about OAA through One Away, a campaign that highlights the plights of economically insecure older adults and the challenges YOU will encounter as a family caregiver if the OAA goes by the wayside.

I invite you to watch this video: www.oneaway.org. The campaign’s primary legislative goal is to reauthorize the Older Americans Act.Millions of older adults depend on vital public programs to survive. Will your parents be one of them?

Part One, “What Joy Loverde Wants You to Know About Technology and Aging Parents” offers information about creating a safe home environment and check-in systems, including suggestions on where to purchase products and services. Part Two blog talks about technology and creating a network of support – especially with the doctor and medical staff. This blog will offer ideas about integrating technology into everyday living.

I love low tech products that help with daily family caregiving responsibilities. Vibrating wrist watches and devices attached to common-sized prescription containers can record customized information and sound an alarm when it’s time for Mom to take her medications. Then there are pill bottles that can send a text message to a cell phone or TV screen.

“There’s an app for that.” Have you recently checked app downloads that are available as cell phone reminder systems? You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the number of apps and family caregiver options. In addition to a text message, some of the reminder apps also offer telephone calling as a back-up.

I love all the brain-fitness software and on-line fitness options on the market. Mind games have never been more important for a healthy lifestyle. One of my favorites is the home version of Dakim. You can learn more by clicking on the Dakim link on my website resources page: http://www.elderindustry.com/resources.html. To explore other options type “brain fitness” in your Internet browser.

Talking stuffed animals have been popular for decades with children so why not offer the same to our elderly loved ones – especially those who are experiencing health issues or feeling lonely and depressed? Everything from classic teddy bears to mainstream pop culture characters can talk, and delight. Talking stuffed animals are relatable – some can read them a story, others spout out lines from favorite movies, others can sing and ask questions. Many offer the option of recording words in your own voice. Hearing a familiar voice often comforts and reassures.

Low tech systems keep the entire family connected. Contact the local agency on aging or the telephone company and ask about amplified telephone handsets and other assistive devices to qualified applicants who have difficulty using a standard telephone. Picture phones are easy to use if your elder has vision and memory issues. Skype (Mary please link www.skype.com) is a computer software application that allows users to make voice and video calls and chats over the Internet. Calls to other users within the Skype service are free.

For more ideas on technology and family caregiving take a look at the products and services listed in my book, The Complete Eldercare Planner.