Whether you are in the process of transferring a loved one to a care home, or you currently discussing the possibility, you of course want to make sure that your loved one goes to the best home available. Whether you are looking at care homes in Southampton or anywhere else in the country, there are a few factors that you must be aware of. It takes more than a lovely building or a nice lobby to make a good care home, so start by asking some questions

First, ask about what the staff to resident ratio is. A care home that is too crowded or which has too many residents per staff member on duty is one where your loved one might not get the care that he or she needs, especially if there is a concern about the need for immediate medical attention. Make sure that each room has a bell that is easily accessible by the resident and inquire about how long it takes staff to answer a bell.

Remember that you should always tour the facility on a normal day. Avoid holidays or weekends as they are going to be too busy for you to get a good view of what is going on. Look at the residents themselves and see if they are well-groomed and neat. Get a feel for the general mood of the care home. A good care home has residents that are positioned comfortably in a social manner, and they are typically alert and aware. A care home where the residents appear listless or bored is a problematic matter.

Make sure that you always see the room that is under consideration for your loved one. In some cases, they will need to share a room, and if that is the case, there should be four beds or less in each room, with each bed having its own privacy curtain. Each bedroom should have a window, and aside from a bed, each resident should have a certain amount of his or her own furniture. This is an important factor when you want to make sure of your loved one’s comfort as well as their safety.

Don’t forget to consider the location of the care home as well. If your loved one is used to seeing family on a regular basis, it is ideal to keep them close. Choose a care home that is well within visiting distance of you and the rest of the family. This allows your loved one to avoid feeling as though they have been exiled.

Ask to see the dining area as well as the menu for the next two weeks. A care facility should provide at least two weeks worth of meals without needing to repeat a dish. Look over the menu carefully and make sure that your loved one’s dietary issues are going to be met. Are reasonable alternatives provided if a resident cannot eat what is on the menu? These reasonable alternatives are mandated by law, and a care facility that does not obey this stricture is out of compliance.

Use all of your senses when you are evaluating a care home. If you detect strong odors, whether they include urine, feces or overly-powerful deodorants, there may be poor care issues at work.

Be sure to check your desired care facility’s records with the state-level organization that governs nursing home complaints. Each state has a different one, and this can help you avoid a facility that has been in trouble before.

You want to give your loved one the best care available, so remember that not every care facility is created equally. Choose a care facility that is suited to your loved one’s needs, and remember to evaluate each considered facility carefully.

My name is Nisha, I represent a site called mha.org. I like to write about elderly care and families.

The to-do items on my task list are mundane: organize photo albums; put winter coats in storage; and clean the barbeque grill. Nothing exciting. What they have in common, however, is the fact that once I complete the task, I feel good. Last year, I added a new task to my to-do list that has made me feel GREAT – and that word is “toss.”

So simple. So easy. Once a week I take a look around the house and find something that no longer serves a purpose in my life. Everything from a pair of earrings to an unused dining room table has found a new home. The item either goes in the trash or gets donated. I also give valuables and mementos to my daughter and grandchildren who are delighted to have something of mine to remember me by.

The word most associated with this discarding process is “downsizing.” But I see it as something much more than that. Getting rid of unwanted items needs to have a more positive spin. The act of tossing and giving items away is uplifting and freeing.  As my load gets lighter and lighter, I become less attached to my belongings and more focused on the real stuff of life.  I’ve also become less interested in accumulating new things. I buy what I need — clothes, food, wine, travel, technology, Internet access.

Ever since I went into “toss mode,” friends and family are complaining that they no longer know what to buy me for my birthday. I just smile. I know exactly what I want. Buy me time with you. Let’s take a long walk along Lake Michigan. Let’s spend a rainy Sunday afternoon playing Banagrams. Let’s go on a road trip to Mississippi. Let’s volunteer together at a soup kitchen.

If you like the idea of lightening your load, and would like to make a few extra dollars selling your items, check out these websites:

Yardsellr.com

Etsy.com (handmade goods only)

Craigslist.org

eBay.com

Additional popular selling options are consignment shops, garage sales, and estate sales. Consignment shops are good for selling designer clothing, household furnishings, and decorative items.

If you don’t want to go it alone, you may want to hire a professional move manager or professional organizer… check out nasmm.com and napo.net.

I hope I’ve inspired you to lighten up your load..

Spending sixty percent of my waking hours on airplanes going from here to there for work purpose offers me plenty of opportunities to meet fascinating people in the waiting area. Such was the case a few months back when I had the privilege to meet Sue Parrish, lead product designer for Keepsake Threads.

The story behind this wonderful company goes like this…

On July 3, 2009 Byron Carrier passed away. His wife, Mary, spent the next five months sewing 32 bears out of his clothing.  She surprised her children and grandchildren with them for Christmas later that year. Byron Carrier’s legacy lives on.  It lives on through the teaching that he did for so many years and it lives on as his clothing comes to life in Mary’s bears.   And so Keepsake Threads was born.

Mary’s daughter-in-law, Kathy Carrier, is the mastermind behind Keepsake Threads and a successful entrepreneur who understood the opportunity, felt the calling, and moved forward.  Kathy also owns a successful 250-person consulting firm, Briljent.

“The mission of Keepsake Threads is to serve the Lord by serving others,” says Kathy. Profits are donated to Hope International, an organization that serves the poorest of the poor across the globe with microfinance services

Today Keepsake Threads offers a wide variety of keepsake products that are custom made from your own sentimental clothing items.  The company is able to repurpose garments that are no longer worn, but hold special meaning, into goods that can be used and enjoyed on a daily basis.

Keepsake Threads features items from a fashionable women’s scarf, to pillows made from neckties, to a quilt displaying pieces of a treasured wedding dress.  They are also able to transfer photographs or sentimental documents, such as a page out of a journal or recipe book, on to fabric and incorporate that into a one-of-a-kind keepsake item.

If you or someone you care for is making their way through the grieving process, is preparing to celebrate a milestone (wedding, graduation, baby, etc.) or simply has clothing that is not worn, but cannot be parted with, why not check out www.keepsakethreads.com and let your imagination run wild? They also have a phenomenal designer (Sue Parrish) on hand to help you craft the perfect item for your situation.

Please email them at info@keepsakethreads.com or call 1-877-99THREADS and tell them Joy Loverde sent you.

If you have a loved one with Alzheimer’s or dementia, you know that conversation and other daily activities can be a challenge.  Some days are better than others, but life is simply different.  Recognizing that and making adjustments will make the road ahead smoother for both of you.

If you’re the caregiver, this is doubly important. Even if you’re just a friend or relative around for a visit, there are some things to keep in mind.

In the early stages of Alzheimer’s your loved one can still manage many of their daily activities by themselves or with just a little help.  In fact, this stage is a bit tricky because they will sometimes feel as though they are completely capable of doing everything and may resent help.  Offer suggestions rather than commands.  Guide but don’t ridicule.   Consider what matters.  It’s important to dress appropriately for the weather – no shorts in January or down jackets in July.  But is it really a big deal if they pair red stripes with orange polka dots to wear around the house?  Probably not.

In the moderate to advanced stages of the disease, the person may not be able to follow directions and will need physical help to accomplish the tasks.  Eventually the caregiver will need to get them dress, brush their teeth, etc.  Unfortunately, about the time that helps is needed; many Alzheimer’s patients become combative.  Try to stay in good spirits and keep an open mind.  They’re not fighting you.  They just want to do something, but don’t know what it is.  That can make a person feel a great deal of stress and agitation.

Alzheimer’s patients at every level will do best with as much routine as possible.  The world is easier to navigate when breakfast, lunch and dinner is at the same time daily.  If they know what is about to happen, it gives them as sense of comfort.  Many people with Alzheimer’s (depending on the stage of the disease) will be unaware of dates and time of day.  Seasons are also soon forgotten.  These larger units don’t matter as much, however, as knowing that every day after lunch is activity time.

Also, you may soon notice that there are certain times of day that your loved one functions best.  Are they sleepy and sluggish early in the morning or at their most alert?  Many Alzheimer’s patients experience sundowner’s syndrome around dinnertime. You may see more wandering, confusion, restlessness and even hallucinations.  While this is very normal for those with Alzheimer’s, it can be distressing for loved ones.  If you’re a caregiver, avoid planning activities or tasks for them at this time of day.  If you’re a friend or family member plan to visit earlier in the day if possible.

The more you can stick with routine the better, but when confronted with something out of the ordinary (whether from your loved one or the outside world) the more you can stay calm and roll with the punches, the better the results for both of you.

Patti R. Albaugh

Treat Gently, This Gentle Man is available for Kindle download from http://www.amazon.com/Treat-Gently-This-Gentle-ebook/dp/B006OUK3WU/ for only $0.99.

We would like invite you to explore her book and determine whether Treat Gently could be a resource for you. You can visit the Amazon site for the paperback version at http://www.amazon.com/Treat-Gently-This-Gentle-Man/dp/061528745X/ where you are able to read sample chapters. Readers can buy the book at https://www.createspace.com/3377980 for a 45% discount. Use the code 3CJWWANB.

Common Tips for Community Building and Social Outreach for Seniors to Prevent Depression and Loneliness

A rapidly growing problem in today’s society is clinical depression amongst our elders. There are numerous life factors that contribute to senior depression, many of them are unavoidable. The loss of mobility or the diagnosis of an illness either in themselves or a loved one, the need to employ or become a long term care provider and retirement are all things that can cause one to become depressed. It is more difficult to diagnose someone who is older; however, because symptoms, loss of speed or appetite, may be masked as characteristics of someone who is simply aging. Untreated depression in seniors has caused the geriatric suicide rate to climb at an alarming pace; therefore, it is important to identify depression as soon as possible when suspected and to seek help or treatment for yourself or your loved one.  Seniors are proven to be less likely to reach out and seek help for themselves.

Support Groups

Community has proven to be a tremendous help in treating and preventing depression in seniors. Simple human interaction and the support offered by others facing the same life hurdles provide an excellent blanket of reassurance to the fact that you are not alone. Often one of the main causes of depression in older people is a feeling of isolation from society. They are lonely and have suffered a great amount of loss. Having a support group of people that are dealing with the same losses and challenges can help to give those suffering from depression an outlet for their feelings and a sense of community. Talk therapy can be as effective as drug therapy when treating depression. There are even online support groups that can be found, allowing those who need it the ability to reap the benefits of group therapy from home.

Community Centers and Group Activities

Almost every city has a community center for its people and most of those centers offer some kind of senior program. Whether classes or scheduled outings, these times provide an opportunity for elders to get out of the house and be around other people, having new experiences and continuing to LIVE, further combating the feelings of isolation that can lead to debilitating depression. When you are enrolled in class or signed up for a trip, someone is holding you accountable. You are expected to show up, and it is less likely that you will stay home alone. This is one of the reasons that these programs are so effective, that and the fact that we thrive off of human interaction. Having conversations, getting our minds working, and sharing experiences with one another helps to get us motivated and keep us going.

It is so important to identify depression in a person of any age, and to then take steps to treat it. Once action has been taken to improve your overall mood, you begin to be able to function better and do more which continues to improve your feelings of self worth and the way you feel, allowing you to move on from those feelings of depression into something a little brighter.

George Shaw is a popular contributor to Texas nursing home ratings websites. He can also be found writing articles to support the senior community in Texas.

Those considering full care senior living should take the time to carefully evaluate their options. While full care is available at many assisted living facilities, the definition of “full care” may vary from one facility to another. For this reason, it’s crucial that you take the time to learn about the specific services offered at each care facility that you’re considering, and as the essential questions about medical care, living arrangements, and more before making a final choice. This article discusses multiple things you’ll need to know before deciding on a home that offers full care senior living.

Does the Facility Offer Complete Medical Care Options?

If the patient that will be moving into care has any type of medical issue, you’ll need to be sure that the facility offers appropriate care options. This may include diabetes management, medication administration, physical or occupational therapy, or ostomy care. Because senior patients and their needs vary so widely, it’s often best to call the facilities that you’ll be considering directly and ask them about the medical care options they provide. This helps you to rest assured that they’ll be able and available to meet the patient’s needs.

How Does the Facility Transition from One Stage of Care to Another?

As patients age, their medical conditions may quickly worsen. When considering a nursing home or skilled nursing facility, it’s important that you take the time to ask about their levels of care, as well as the transition process. This helps you to ensure that the patient will be able to receive varying levels of care, as it is needed. For example, if an elderly patient develops a urinary tract infection and displays severe symptoms, such as irritability or temporary senility, will they be managed on site, or will the facility transfer them to a psychiatric facility and then transfer them back? These are important details to know when choosing a facility.

Does the Facility Offer Short Term Stays?

Sometimes, an elderly patient needs a short term stay in a full care senior living facility in order to heal from a wound, such as a broken arm or leg. This is especially common in patients with osteoporosis. If you or your loved one regularly needs short term stays to heal, it may be in your best interest to find a facility that offers this option, so that you’re not locked in to a long term contract for services that you may not actually need.

Will the Facility Allow Two Person Transfers?

If the patient that will be entering care is married or involved in a long term relationship, they’ll likely want to stay with their partner. If this is the case, you’ll want to ask the nursing facilities that you’re considering if this will be allowed. Some facilities allow two person transfers, and even have two person rooms or suites, while others strictly forbid the process. You’ll need to check in advance to see which type of facility you’re dealing with, so that you can make the appropriate decision for those entering care.

 Article provided by LivingSenior, James C

Family caregivers are awesome. From staying up all night with worry to managing complex day-to-day care, there doesn’t seem to be anything they wouldn’t do to ensure the safety and security of elderly loved ones. Undoubtedly, eldercare is nothing less than a labor of love and hard work — physically and emotionally.

Things being what they are when it comes to caring for aging parents and loved ones, it is beyond my comprehension why a family caregiver would allow their care receiver — be it parent, spouse, partner, or friend  — to get away with making remarks to and about them that are purposefully mean, degrading, and hurtful.

As a long-time family caregiver advocate, I’ve heard it all. “My father calls me names and tells me I’m a terrible daughter.” “Mom says I don’t make enough time for her and won’t accept the fact that I have a family of my own to take care of and support.” “My husband barks orders at me all day long.”

In their moment of tirade, should we cut our elders some slack because they are ill and perhaps in pain? Should we “turn the other cheek” and act as though what is being said to us does not hurt our feelings?  I say absolutely not.  There is no excuse for bad behavior on the part of the elderly people we care for. NO ONE in the caregiving role deserves to be treated unkindly at any time, for any reason.

In my book, The Complete Eldercare Planner (Random House, 2009, Updated and Revised), I describe in detail how eldercare can leave deep emotional scars when care receivers lash out at people who are caring for them and when the experience of family caregiving is consistently unrewarding and negative. Sons, daughters, spouses, partners, and friends know all too well about the volatile environment of eldercare and how quickly emotions can get out of hand.

If you are a family caregiver and your elder is verbally abusive, I offer action steps as a way to to help end the vicious cycle of being on the receiving end of mean and nasty comments. Integrating self-respecting strategies in the family caregiving process starts right now.

Get angry.

Self-respecting family caregivers get angry. They admit to themselves that they are angry. And they acknowledge the right to be angry. Self-respecting caregivers express their anger in the moment and do so in a way that teaches others how to treat them. Suffering in silence implies consent for others to treat us badly.

Practice the following statements in front of the mirror. The more you say them, the more you’ll believe that what you are saying is true. Next time you are angry with your elder say these words to them:

“What you just did (said) makes me angry. I do not deserve that.”

“It makes me angry when you… Please stop it now.”

“My bedroom is private, and it makes me angry when you walk in without knocking.” “We’re all adults here, and your criticism is not appropriate.”

Don’t take it personally.

Self-respecting caregivers allow care receivers to be angry and they don’t take what is being said personally (this takes practice). When our elders are lashing out at us, more often than not underlying issues are at work: elders may be in pain (physically and emotionally); elders may be frustrated (their bodies are failing them); elders may be depressed (losses of all kinds surround them); and elders are acting out (long-time family conflicts remain unresolved).

The next time your elders start complaining; look them straight in the eye. Allow them a few moments for them to express their anger. Don’t defend; don’t interrupt; let them vent. When they are finished, you can help to defuse their highly charged emotions by saying something like, “I’m sorry this is making you so angry.”

If they say they are angry about something you said or did, you can defuse that situation too by asking for forgiveness. I know this suggestion sounds strange; but keep in mind their anger is not really about you. Asking for forgiveness is not an admission of guilt; it can be an effective way to calm the waters in the moment. “I’m really sorry I disappointed you.” “I know you’re upset (angry), and I’m sorry.”

Set boundaries.

Self-respecting caregivers set boundaries. Verbally abusive people pick on certain people because they are easy targets. Don’t make yourself available. There is no disgrace in walking out of a situation that is intolerable or beyond your power to handle; in fact, it is the smart thing to do when you recognize your own limitations. Simply say, “I’m leaving now,” and walk out of the room. Nothing more needs to be said.

Ultimately, we cannot change the basic personalities of people who are mean and nasty. We can only make our best attempts to manage ourselves in the moment. Never ever forget that family caregivers are special and you deserve to be treated as such.

I hope that you have found some of these tips to be helpful. I wish you well.