You’ve spent hours pouring over information regarding elder care; you’ve researched and developed a plan of care for your elderly loved one that should be etched in gold! You’re feeling so relieved, knowing that they will now be safe at home, and a caregiver will be there with them when you can’t…until the day arrives when the caregiver comes to meet them, and your loved one refuses to open the door! What do you do now?

There can be many causes for this reaction to your plan. Perhaps they feel a loss of control in their lives. Maybe they resent feeling like they aren’t trusted to be alone at home any longer, and their self esteem is hurting. Maybe they’re afraid of having a stranger in their home. Maybe they want their privacy and don’t really understand why they need help in the first place! The way you respond to your loved one’s concerns may eventually determine if your “golden” care plan is going to be successful or not.

Before you even begin to initiate your care plan, include your loved one in the “research project.” Make sure they feel like they are a part of making the decisions as to who to hire, when the caregiver should come, and what type of care they may need. Even if they aren’t completely sure they need the help, it may give them the added confidence they need to know that you still value their input and respect their opinions.

If your loved one is fearful of having strangers in their home, listen to their concerns and let them know you understand. When deciding who to hire, make sure you go to a reputable agency that does criminal background checks and has good referrals and testimonials. Reassure your loved one of those things when you make your final choice. Make sure the caregiver comes to meet them for the first time when you are there with them, and give them a chance to form an initial impression before you insist on keeping that particular caregiver. Usually after just a few visits, the apprehension dissolves into a cheery, trusting relationship that your loved one will truly enjoy.

If they just don’t agree that they need the help, you have unfortunately entered into the greatest challenge of all, especially if your loved one is suffering from altered thought processes and is unable to identify with your concerns. This may be the time to be loving but firm with them, and let them know that there really isn’t a choice when their safety is at stake. Reassure them that your motive is to help them live at home for as long as they can safely do that, and let them know you’re on their side. Make compromises if you can safely do so; for instance, have the caregiver come the same number of visits per week, but maybe for shorter time periods. Try referring to the caregiver as the “cook” or the “housekeeper” …let them know you want to pamper them! Make sure your loved one realizes they aren’t expected to entertain their “guests”, and they can go about doing whatever they would normally do if no one was there. On the other hand, if your loved one enjoys socializing, suggest a lively game of cards when their caregiver is there, or some other activity with them that your loved one would enjoy. Persistence is the key…in time, your loved one will grow to accept their new lifestyle and the friction will dissipate.

Remember, in the midst of all these issues, your own health and lifestyle are also important. Caregiver burnout can be a real threat to you and your family if your loved one doesn’t cooperate with the plan of care you have worked so hard to design for them. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by a false sense of guilt if your loved one has difficulty making these adjustments. In time, they will realize that you have their best interest at heart, and they may even grow to appreciate you for it!

Jo Nelson, RN is the owner of Servant’s Heart Homemaker Services, a personal care assistance company. For more information, check out their website at http://www.servantsheartservices.com.

When the health of an elderly parent starts to decline, typically one sibling who steps in to become the primary caregiver. The demands start out small. Care is easy at first. But as care demands more time and money, stress builds and so can resentment toward non-contributing family members.

Old rivalries and jealousies raise their head and get in the way. The fights are typically over money and time, the two elements contributing the most to caregiver stress. So what do you do? If you want help caring for an elderly parent, you need to convince your brothers and sisters of it or find that help outside the family. With that as a background here are 10 tips to dealing with unhelpful siblings:

1. Accept that there is no such thing as “fairness” when it comes to family care giving. Someone in the family always shoulders a disproportionate amount of the load. Life is like that. Should it be that way? No. But wishing for something different only makes matters worse.

2. Open up the lines of communication with every family member, even those you don’t always get along with. Let them decide how much they want to be involved.

3. Have a family meeting to get everyone’s view point on elder care needs. What you are seeing may not be what others see. What you think is critical may not be and visa versus. Having other viewpoints can be helpful.

4. Do it now. Waiting only makes matters worse. Don’t assume someone else in the family will take charge.

5. Put aside your “shoulds” and focus on the taking care of your elderly parents. It simply doesn’t matter what you believe your siblings should do. What does matter is getting the help your aging parent needs, whether it’s from your siblings or outside the family. The plain, simple truth is you can’t change someone else. Only they can do that. Obsessing about it and “shoulding” on them only makes your life more stressful. None of this is about you anyway. It is about managing the care of an aging parent.

6. List all of the support your parent may need. Be specific: fixing meals, bathing, managing the checkbook, grocery shopping, taking dad to the doctors appointments, calls to advisors, picking up medications, checking out caregivers or living facilities, etc.. When you need help be exact: “I have a doctors appointment next Friday and need someone to sit with mom. Could you drop by no later than 9 am for about 2 hours.”

7. Identify and contact help available in the community. You’ll need it. Expect to roll up your shirt sleeves, too. It may take a lot of phone calls to find the resources you need. Start with your local Agency on Aging and the senior ministry at your place of worship. If you live in a large city, dial 2-1-1. If you work for a larger corporation, ask your human relations department what elder care resources they offer.

8. Accept whatever help each sibling is able and willing to provide. No one knows how another person thinks or feels or what’s going on in their life. One of my clients could not understand why her oldest sister would offer to help, but frequently welched on the promise. Later she learned her sister had enormous health problems of her own but didn’t want to burden the rest of the family with it.

9. Your attitude makes all the difference. Sure, it’s hard not to be mad when no one else helps. You only hurt yourself, though. Stress is not so much what’s happening to you as it is how you respond to it. Focus attention on the positives. Be thankful for those who help if and when they do. Beyond that pay no attention to those who under-serve.

10. Use outside sources to defuse persistent emotional land mines. Consider turning to a professional elder care mediator. The specialty is relatively new. but growing. They offer a respectful solution to family conflicts over the care of an aging parent. They offer a pathway to peace and family healing.

The bottom line here is to focus only on what you can accomplish for your mom or dad. Resenting siblings for not chipping in makes you feel worse and accomplishes nothing. If it is not in your sister’s heart to help, you can’t put it there. Accept the help you get. Do what you know you can do and find outside help for the rest.

With the right information, you can reduce caregiver stress, keep your life in balance, save money and get better care for your elderly parents. To help you solve the problem of unhelpful siblings, I invite you to instantly access my FREE Weekly Elder care Advisor. You’ll discover both practical care giving strategies and important resources for takingcare of elderly parents without bankrupting yourself emotionally or financially.

In the Research Triangle area of North Carolina, more and more elderly citizens are choosing to “age in place” by hiring providers of home care. Durham NC residents have much available to them in the way of geriatric health and living services. From the run of the mill nursing facility to luxury retirement communities – seniors have a number of lifestyle options by the time they reach the latter years of their life and determine that they’re in need of more care than they themselves, or their loved ones, can provide.

Senior care, Clayton NC to Clayton MO, is not just another small, specialized area of health care – it is an expansive and lucrative business that is rapidly growing into a colossal industry as the Baby Boom generation continues to age, demanding a whole new slew of services – and lots of them. As the population of senior citizens here in North Carolina and across the nation skyrockets, the number of seniors using home care is expected to double – likely by the year 2030. Medical professionals, social workers, advocates for the elderly – not to mention the senior citizens themselves, are quickly discovering they’re more comfortable being cared for in their homes than relocating.

Home care services can be chosen based on the needs of the patient. Depending on where you live and what you have available, you can find round-the-clock care providers or nurses to come in just a few hours of the day, on all or just certain days of the week. You can have special needs tended to as long as you have hired an agency that can dispatch medically trained caregivers. And if you’re a cancer patient, an Alzheimer’s patient, or you’re on dialysis, for instance, you can find someone to come into your home to care for you and who has specialized training and experience with some or all of your unique medical conditions.

For sick and aging citizens who don’t require health-driven home care, there are plenty of providers that offer basic care services at the patient’s home. Lots of folks just need someone to help with things around the house and maybe run a few errands. Maybe your eyesight isn’t what it used to be and you’re no longer comfortable driving but sharp as a tack and still capable of performing most normal daily tasks. This is a scenario where a provider of home care, Clayton NC or wherever you live, would really work.

Major life decisions deserve a lot of consideration, particularly if they are costly and long-term. When, either alone or with their loved ones, seniors make the choice to age in place, it’s crucial that a great deal of thought is put into the hired caregiver. Choose a home care provider in the Durham area that is reputable, well-established and that just feels right to you. Conduct thorough interviews and ask to see credentials for both the agency and the caregiver. This may be the biggest decision you’ll ever make.

Written by Jenny Heart. Quality home care Durham: Receive home care Clayton, Alzheimer’s and elder care through senior care Clayton NC, Raleigh, Cary, Wake Forest.

Imagine the plight of the busy career person struggling for success in the business world, while trying to effectively balance the responsibility of school-age children on the one hand, and in home senior care for elderly or housebound relatives on the other.

Child care has become almost a natural part of the working world and there are many facilities developing to provide a safe, supervised environment for children of all ages. In fact, many companies are providing child – care facilities or other assistance as an employee benefit. That is one of the great progressive achievements of our generation.

Unfortunately, less has been accomplished in providing in home senior care for the elderly, and the burden which this can become for a working family member is awesome. In home senior care can be a serious handicap to an otherwise productive employee, and often results in absenteeism, frequent phone calls and poor productivity for the employee who is constantly concerned and distracted by the needs of the elderly relative.

If the older family member resides in another area of the country, the problem for the employee becomes even more complex.

In home senior care for the sick and elderly has now become commonplace, and many organizations offer nursing care, therapy of various types, and other Medical Services. Few of the visiting practitioners can take the time to fill other needs of their patients.

Caring for my own senior family members made me see how critical some of these other needs can be, and how important a few simple services can be to a lonely, often housebound individual. Active, younger members of society do not usually realize how difficult basic activities can be for an older person.

A trip to the doctor’s office, to church, to the grocery store, can be a traumatic problem for the elderly. A leisurely drive in the country is often out of the question. Lunch in a restaurant is probably a fond but distant memory, as is an outing to the shop or taking in a movie or a ballgame on a sunny afternoon.

Such little things we take for granted can make a huge difference in the life of a lonely person, and in home senior care can provide this.

And, even more basic, elderly people living alone often do not eat right, have poor personal hygiene, and are not as careful as they should be about Home Security and safety. Many need help in performing simple household tasks for themselves.

We believe that older Americans who choose to live alone in their own homes are the most forgotten segment of our society, and those most in need of our attention and our compassion.

In a time when most households have to working members, there’s simply no one with the time to provide the level of in home senior care for the elderly that has always been an American tradition.

Our older Americans deserve more. After all, soon enough we will be among them.

Becci Bookner is no stranger to setting the standards in care. In 1993 she founded her first successful service company that addresses the needs of seniors. Becci’s latest book is Patterns of the Heart, Gentle Thoughts on Aging, which was published in 2007. Her website is http://www.familystaffing.com

By Janelle Jacobs

As the world becomes increasingly global and people continue to live longer lives, a growing proportion of middle-aged adults are faced with the challenge of caring for their aging parents, who may live across the country or in a different state, and what to do when their parents can no longer care for themselves.

A first thought might be to turn to a nursing home, but there are alternatives – some that are less expensive and provide better quality of care. For instance, one-on-one home care for seniors or nurse aides who pay visits to the home, or live in the home with the senior citizen, can be less costly and can provide the adult child with peace of mind that they would not get from “the system” or a nursing home.

When an emergency happens and a family needs help immediately, but cannot travel to their parent’s location to talk directly with doctors or nurses, the family may have a difficult time assessing the severity of the situation and managing the emergency. In order to make the best decision, a family may consider hiring a Senior Care Manager to help the family and their loved one know all of their options and attain the best possible care.

According to Andrea Seewald, LSW, RG, President of Senior Care Consultants in Pittsburgh, PA, “Care Managers can often help the family save money, by helping people remain at home, connecting them to services and/or receiving entitlements”. Ms. Seewald goes on to say, “Seldom does one NEED to go to a nursing home! Most care needed by older adults is for assistance with normal daily tasks. An aide or companion can help with these tasks”.

Senior Care Managers can take on several roles such as advocating and coordinating care while the client is still in the hospital, nursing home, and/or rehab, coordinating and accompanying the client to doctor’s appointments, providing one-on-one home care, coordinating household chores, meals, maintenance, paying bills and managing banking needs, and acting as liaison between the family, older adult, physician, attorney and others.

When loved ones get sick and medical emergencies happen, no matter if you live in the same house or 3,000 miles away, it can be a very, scary ordeal. It is good to know that there are services and caring workers out there who can provide home care assistance and manage the challenges of caring for aging parents.

Janelle Jacobs is a writer in Pittsburgh, PA with interests in senior care and healthy living.

Getting old is bad enough – who wants to have to leave their home in addition? And being a burden on family members can sometimes be so stressful that the emotional strain of staying at-home may make moving into an assisted-care facility a more attractive option. However, there are several different ways that seniors can age in place and receive in-home senior care and assistance in the privacy and comfort of their own home, as an affordable alternative to facility care.

Non-medical senior care is often much less costly than assisted-care facilities or nursing home care, as not all nurse aides or care providers are trained medical professionals. However, at-home care providers can ensure that all personal needs are met, such as help with grooming, bathing, dressing, and moving around the house, as well as other physical daily tasks such as preparing meals, grocery shopping, and escorting the senior to doctor appointments. In addition, there is a “personal touch” that care providers and nurse aides can give seniors, and a special companionship that they might be lacking otherwise.

If you are considering long-term care for yourself or your loved one, here are some options that can enable you or your loved one to remain at-home, aging in place.

1) Long-term Care (LTC) Insurance

If you have a long-term care (LTC) insurance plan, but decide, “I don’t want to leave my home”, you most likely can use your long-term care insurance for home care or nurse aides to visit or live in your home. Check with your long-term care insurance provider or find a local home care provider and ask if your insurance will reimburse them for services.

2) Part-time Nurse Aides

If you or your loved one does not require full-time care, an affordable option is to hire a nurse aide or senior care agency. This is often a more affordable option because the care givers provide non-medical care, which can be costly.

3) A Live-in Home Care Companion

If you or your loved one needs 24 hour personal care and attention, finding a live-in senior care companion is often as affordable or less so than assisted-living or nursing care. Instead of paying for medical professionals that are not always needed, care givers can give you or your loved one undivided attention, and depending on the home care agency you select, they can often have a medical professional to call as a back-up, if needed.

The option you select should be based on your specific home care and health-related needs. The burden of getting old is not going to go away, but as long as there are options to remain independent and at-home, the quality of life can be made simpler and better, and that is the best way to enjoy old age.

Janelle Jacobs is a writer in Pittsburgh, PA with interests in senior home care and healthy living.

Is your elderly loved one in desperate need of care? Are you concerned for them living in their own home? Are you worried about their safety? Running a home takes time, money and much decision making. As we age, our priorities change along with what we are now able to do and not do. Often times our house, and our personal safety, begins to crumble around us and we don’t even see it.

Many times our aged loved ones deteriorating health goes unnoticed until something catastrophic happens. Commonly this is a fall, or perhaps the stove was left on. Sometimes the furnace is not working and our loved one doesn’t seem to understand why they are cold, and do not notify us. When the problem becomes evident, we need to consider an alternate living situation. Perhaps seeing this coming, is what prevents people from telling those that can help them.

Our elderly loved ones are very independent. They have survived some of the worst times in history and are certain they can continue to do so. It is never easy to convince them that after all these years of struggling, there is now a simpler way to live. The unfortunate part is not that they need help, but that they have waited to long to make this shift and most will resent the move at this stage. Centurions will tell you, that the reason they have lived so long, is their ability to accept change in their lives and in the world.

Do your homework. Find a facility that is near where they are living now, or a place that is near family. If there are no openings, get their name on a waiting list. Do not wait for their approval to do this, you may be wasting precious time if you do. This may seem like a sneaky way to do things but realize that you, not your loved one, understands the severity of the problems they are having. Look for a place that not only has good care, but is clean. Make appointments and tour several facilities. Go early and seek out residents you can talk to about their experience living in that particular place. Inquire as to care, meals, occupational therapy, and housekeeping. Keep in mind that most residents may feel they too do not need the care that is offered there.

Approach your loved one with kindness and understanding. Changes are not easy for the elderly to accept. Take time to tell them what you have learned, but don’t give them so many details that they can’t take it all in. Let them know your intentions are to have them live in a place where they receive meals, social activities as well as help with bathing and medications. Remind them that you will come to see them, and make a commitment, what ever time you can afford, and then make sure you do it. Do not speak for other people regarding visiting, you only know what you are willing to do. Assure them that you will be in touch with the place they choose, and should there be a problem, you will handle it on their behalf. Find time to be with them and the transition will be smoother.

I have been taking care of elderly family for many years. After going through the process to keep them safe outside of their own homes, I have learned a practical way to research and approach the subject. It is never easy to make a change and it is especially difficult to admit to needing personal help. I discuss alternative healing methods on my blog at http://www.zenergygal.com Watch for my forthcoming book to learn how to Tweak Your Health.

Independence is something every human being values, no matter how young or how old. As people age, they often lose some of their independence, forcing them to depend on others for personal care, medical treatment, daily activities, personal hygiene, and routine day-to-day tasks. This can take a toll on a senior’s emotional stability and mentality, especially if the senior’s memory and thoughts are of a sound mind.

No one wants to have someone else care for them; no one wants to be a burden. However, if a senior enters a nursing home, as opposed to remaining in their own home, it can often be a more lonely experience, a more difficult adjustment, and an additional strain on the individual’s health, as well as the family’s stress level.

Fortunately, there are alternatives to nursing homes which can enable you or your loved one to remain at home and maintain dignity and independence while still receiving personal care. In-home senior care is one such alternative. Care givers or nurse aides can visit the home and provide daily assistance, and at-home care-giving services are often less costly, or comparable, than nursing home care.

If you or your aging parent or loved one wants to remain at-home, no matter if you need assistance for four hours a day, eight hours a day, or 24-hours a day, you can find caring nurse aides to give you the geriatric care and senior companionship you need, where and when you need it.

Nursing homes can be quite costly. The average annual cost of a private room in a nursing home in the United States is $70,080. Often senior home care can be much less costly than nursing homes, charging average rates of $13-$20/hour. Some home care providers put their hourly rates of home care services directly on their website, and it is easy to see the savings.

Home care relieves family members not only from a possible financial burden, but also an emotional burden. It is always comforting to know that your loved ones are living in their own home and enjoying familiar surroundings. Home care gives people peace of mind, whether you are the person receiving care, or the adult child responsible for an aging parent.

Nurse aides and care givers provide varied types of services, ranging from doing the laundry and dishes, to running errands and shopping. They can give personal care and assist with bathing and dressing, as well as assist with cognitive difficulties and prompting and supervising daily activities. Not only that, but nurse aides provide one-on-one attention and interaction, fostering a caring relationship. Nurse aides can make house visits one day a week for only a few hours or they can provide live-in assistance around the clock.

If you are planning you or your loved one’s health care future, keep in mind that nursing homes are not the only option. Nurse aides and senior care companions provide quality in-home senior care services and non-medical home health care and companion services to senior citizens and adults. Senior care consultants can work with you and your family to help you maintain your independent lifestyle.

Independence is very important to a healthy state of mind and everyone should receive the best senior home care possible while maintaining their dignity and autonomy.

Janelle Jacobs is a writer in Pittsburgh, PA with interests in senior care and healthy living